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Non-binary

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Check in with yourself right now what you picture with the word feminine, close your eyes and craft an image…

It likely aligns with the traditional dictionary definition of delicate and female. So then if I said that feminine energy is the steadier, darker , moodier does that align with what you envisioned? The masculine is more active, creative, driven and extroverted, is that the iconic image of man? Or is masculine separate to the typical behaviour of the gender male? What about a wildly creative and highly efficient woman? Is she in her feminine dominance? 

Confused yet? 

In Daoist philosophy Yin is the dark side, feminine, yang the light, masculine. 

In tantric view the main energy channels ida & pingala appear similar to yin yang. Ida (feminine), is linked to the left nostril and right brain activity, where your creativity and intuition emerges. Pingala, right nostril and left hemisphere of the brain, is your ability to reason, analyse and draw logic. 

So the Daoist and Tantric views somewhat resonate and also don’t. The Dao would have yin as the ground of your being and yang as energy in motion, whereas Tantra describes Shiva or the masculine energy as the changeless dimension of awareness and Shakti the force of manifestation. 

There does seem to be a general preference for little girls to gravitate toward dolls and ballet, while boys even without encouragement from parents find trucks and rumbles more enticing. 

Both energies exist within each of us and yet here is where we run into more polarity than possibly any other play of opposites. 

Societally we are paralysed by this issue right now, both sexes needing to display healthy aspects of both and or find balance in partnership especially if the man is feminine dominant and vice versa. 

The term non-binary has emerged in recent years to describe a person that doesn’t want to be pigeon holed into one gender or the other.

Tantra describes its view as non-dual. Not two but dual aspects of the same one, two sides of the same coin. 

Have you noticed how you morph in roles depending on who you’re with? I used to resent being what I thought was the masculine energy when my male partner was displaying unhealthy feminine energy. In reflection that was an opportunity for me to really step into the feminine , calm steady and caring. What about how it plays out in sexual encounters? Is a woman who enjoys being directive and powerful appealing? She’s behaving in a masculine way but still distinctly woman. A man slowing things down is incredibly sexy and incredibly feminine.

I’m actually delighting in the fact that nothing about this topic is absolute. It’s a non binary issue we are contemplating. 

Like a magnet you attract or repulse whichever energy is required to embody both in a more balanced way. If it were as black and white as magnetism we’d be fine but of course some aspects of you are feminine, attracting say a business partner that’s goal oriented and driven for example. Some aspects are masculine, your creative and assertive side will draw in a deep feeler to collaborate with. Perhaps it’s ambitious to think we could find a life partner to meet us in every aspect of our own spectrum while constantly shifting on their own.This is why friction occurs, is so necessary at times and the willingness to dance, to move with each other a valuable skill. 

As an individual seeking wholeness, it’s about embracing both. You wouldn’t want it to remain day all the time and miss out on the restoration of night.

It’s my experience that embracing both sides makes you more powerful. 

If I reflect on my own tendency I can see where the work lies. So I invite you to notice the next time you sense some friction which energy is harder for you to access, and also to feel into whether the occuring energy is clear or in some way distorted. For example neediness may be linked to the watery realms of emotion on the yin side, but neediness is actually a lack of healthy feminine, grounding, safe energy. Masculine energy wants to reach out and acquire or solve. Healthy feminine would say I recognise the feeling of need and understand it’s part of my humanness. Healthy masculine would identify the need and attend to it.  In it’s most graceful form both of these would occur simultaneously and you wouldn’t need to deconstruct it but whilst feeling our way through it’s useful to bring awareness to these experiences. 

It may also be of use to engage in some activities that are not your tendency; if you find sitting still really challenging there’s your work, if you dislike noisy environments can you expand your capacity to be in them and remain calm, feeling your feelings rather than describing or trying to solve them, singing or dancing. Whichever suggestion seems least appealing that’s your homework.